Regrets
by Mirage79
Summary: Sequel to Turn Back Time, Damon talks to Bonnie about her upcoming wedding.


Damon Salvatore had been alive for a hell of a long time. Being that he was over a century and a half old he had found love only twice.

The first time had been with Katherine. Beautiful, captivating _deceitful_ Katherine, who ripped his heart out, shattered it into tiny little pieces and sold those pieces to the highest bidder.

To say that, _that_ relationship was a colossal mistake was a gross understatement. She used him, gleefully; playing him off against his brother, tormenting the both of them and making him believe that she loved him and only him. Yeah, Katherine plus mistake? Equals Stupid Damon.

And then there was Elena. Although what he had felt for Elena couldn't be classed as love. More like infatuation. She had Katherine's face, but none of her maliciousness.

Well, she _didn't_ have her maliciousness. Because honestly now, Damon couldn't differentiate one from the other.

But the Elena of old, she was sweet, pure and everything that Katherine was not.

The Elena _now_ was way too much like Katherine. Acrid, snarky and way too bloody annoying.

But the second time he fell in love, Damon realised that what he felt for Katherine paled in comparison to what he felt for Bonnie Bennett.

Because Bonnie, shit Bonnie was his salvation.

The times he fell asleep with her in his arms were the only times his inner beast stayed quiet. The only time there wasn't a constant fight for his sanity. The only time the two voices in his head shut the fuck up.

Taking a deep breath, Damon watched the woman in question as she sat across from him, those green eyes he loved so much, dark with pain and regret.

He could smell _him_ all over her. Could smell the mutt. _Derek Hale. _Never had he hated a man so much. And he hadn't even met him.

"Do you love him?" he asked her quietly, his eyes never leaving her face. It was a face he still saw in his dreams. Smooth caramel colored skin stretched over high cheekbones, a full lower lip, that he could remember tasted so fucking sweet and a slightly crooked smile that literally lit up her whole face.

Bonnie paled slightly, those big green eyes he use to happily get lost in, searching his.

"Damon I –"she began, avoiding his gaze.

Damon's fists clenched as he continued to stare at her. She was still so beautiful to him. As a teen she had been small and petite, a head shorter than he was. But as she grew into womanhood, Bonnie had grown a few inches and filled out, the perfect size for someone of his size and stature. Curves that went on for days, curves that someone like him could appreciate.

"Do you, Bonnie. Do you love the mutt?" he asked her hoarsely, dreading the answer but needing to know all the same.

"Yes." She whispered her eyes dark with pain.

Damon closed his eyes, blocking her from his view.

"Different from the way I loved you, but I do love him." She whispered.

"Fuck!" he breathed. "I knew this would happen. I knew that this day would come, tried to prepare myself for it but fuck it still hurts." He whispered, his jaw clenching. "Fuck Elena and her manipulations!" he snarled, slamming his fists down on the table so hard, it cracked.

Ignoring the looks from those around him, Damon continued to take deep calming breaths, trying to control the beast inside him. It wanted to find Elena fucking Salvatore and rip her into tiny little pieces.

Because of _her_ and her fucking games, the woman _he_ was supposed to marry was now marrying someone else. The woman _he_ loved was now in love with someone else. Someone that was _not_ him.

And even though he was married to Elena, he couldn't help but feel betrayed. Because he was in a marriage with a woman he hated and had fucked up his whole life.

Bonnie was marrying someone she had found love with. Someone who was not him.

"Were you going to tell me?" he asked her, his eyes drifting over the people in the restaurant. He had overheard about her upcoming nuptials from Blondie. Overhearing as she gushed about the bridesmaids dresses to her mutt of a husband.

"I – " Bonnie licked her lips, causing Damon's whole body to shudder in awareness. Still, after all these years, Bonnie Bennett that the ability to turn him on with just one look. "I don't know." She said honestly, shrugging helplessly. "I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry Damon."

"Sorry?" he gave a hard laugh. "_You're_ sorry. Why the hell should _you_ be sorry?!" he asked. "I mean if it weren't for fucking Elena's selfish need to be the centre of everything we wouldn't be in this bloody mess. I wouldn't be marriage to a manipulative bitch that could give Katherine a run for her money, I would still have my brother in my everyday life, and you. You wouldn't have fallen in love with some fucking dog and be marrying him next fucking weekend." He snapped, his fists clenching and unclenching. "_We_ would be married _to each other_."

Bonnie's eyes darkened as she stared at him.

Damon took a deep calming breath his fists clenching and unclenching.

"What would you say if I told you that I want to be there?" He said softly, sparking a surprised look from her.

"Why, Damon?" she asked, perplexed. "Why put yourself through that?"

Because he was a glutton for punishment, he thought.

Damon turned dark blue eyes on her, his stare devouring her from across the table.

"So that I can pretend." He answered softly. "So that when you walk down that aisle, I can imagine that it's me waiting for you at the other end."

"Damon –" she warned softly causing him to close his eyes in regret.

"And so I know that you've finally moved on." He finished, ice blue eyes burning with intensity. "So that I know that you are actually happy with the mutt."

"Damon –"

"Please Bonnie."

Bonnie took a deep breath.

"Let me talk to Derek first." She held out a placating hand, noticing the dark look that came over his face. "I can't just disrespect Derek like that Damon. I do love him and to invite my ex-boyfriend to my wedding can be tacky."

"You loved _me_ first!" he snapped almost petulantly.

"I know. But I love him now. And I can't do that to him without him knowing."

"Do you still love me?" he demanded ignoring her last statement.

"Damon –"

"Do you, Bonnie?" Damon reached out and grabbed her wrist, his face fierce but his grip gentle. Almost immediately tiny licks of pain had his arm tensing slightly.

"Do you still think of me, imagine what it would've been like if our lives hadn't been royally fucked up by some selfish little idiot?" He took a deep breath, lifting her hand to his face and kissing her palm, shuddering as she curled her fingers around his cheek to cup his face. The pain that began in his hand radiated up his arm, to his neck and then to his cheek.

Damon ignored the pain. He was use to it.

"Sometimes." She admitted. "I use to, all the time before. But now, not so much."

"But you still do."

Bonnie gave a sad smile.

"But I still do. I don't regret meeting Derek, Damon. He's a good man. He knows my past, tolerates Stefan and Tyler, actually likes Caroline. And he loves me." She shrugged. "It took a long while for me to realise that I can't break the bond. Not without killing you, not without get hurt in the process. Last time I tried I was in a coma for six weeks." She shook her head. "I do still love you Damon, but I love Derek as well. _He_ became _my_ salvation." She turned to him, her eyes pleading. "Please don't hate me."

Damon cupped her hand in both of his, staring down at the delicacy of her hands in his. It was misleading. Her hands in his seem so fragile, so delicate, but these same hands could also wield such power.

"I don't hate you Bonnie." A self-depreciating smile tipped his lips. "Especially since I turned around and married Elena first." Yeah and what a mistake _that_ was! In his one and only moment of weakness, Damon had gone to stalk – _visit_ Bonnie, only to see her talking and laughing with the mutt. With Derek Hale.

He easily dwarfed her diminutive frame, towering over her. The look on his face was _hungry_ as he stared at _his_ witch.

Damon barely resisted the urge to go in there and rearrange the man's face. But as he watched as Bonnie reached up and laid a hand against the man's leather clad arm, Damon came to the realisation that she had moved on. Finally. Four years down the road, Bonnie Bennett finally had moved on.

He had gone home that night, gotten himself drunk and proposed to Elena. Unfortunately for him, she'd said yes.

Damon's body jerked, the pain increasing as he idly played with her hand. He should stop, but found the pleasure in touching Bonnie far outweighed the pain he was gong through.

"I should go." She told him, squeezing his fingers. "Derek's waiting."

Damon tensed, resisting the urge to say 'Fuck Derek'. Instead he lifted her hands to his mouth, rubbing his lips over her fingers.

"For what it's worth Bon, I still love you." he whispered against her fingers, his eyes staring into hers.

Standing Bonnie bent towards him, her hands slipping to cup his face. Leaning forward she brushed her lips against his, causing Damon's eyelids to close in ecstasy.

Eyes closed he breathed in her scent, cocoa butter with a hint of jasmine. Something he was addicted to.

"For what's it worth Damon, I don't regret loving you." she whispered against his lips.

And then suddenly Damon felt nothing. Opening his eyes he watched as Bonnie Bennett walked away from him, one last time.


End file.
